The Road Less Traveled
I think that this situation absolutely requires a really futile and stupid gesture be done on somebody's part Antoinette.
"They confiscated everything. Even the stuff we didn't steal. They took the bar! The whole F'ing bar! This is ridiculous. What are we going to do? Roadtrip!" 🚦That's right... when things start to get ridiculous there's only one thing to do... load the gang in the car🚗, grab some appropriate road snacks like jerky🥓, funions, pork rinds🍿 and cheetos, and since this trip is chauffeured... feel free to grab as many roadies 🍺 as you can cuz this road trip will be off the beaten path. Time for a little Shama Lama Ding Dong... Hit it! 🥁As you know we are two weeks into a new year, a new decade, and an election year and it's important to start these off with a bang💥😜... advice that works for everyday btw as long as they're reasonably conscious, willing and available😜. Yeah #metoo.🙈🙉🙊 Anyway, because it is an election year and it's important for the candidates to get out and meet the voters, let me recommend a path to victory that will take the right candidate away from the swamps in DC🦎, the Sour Apple🍏, and La La Land🧚🏼♂️ and into the hinterlands where normal people reside. Well, I don't know how normal but at least to places that will give the mailman reason to chuckle📫. Now I know we're entering our Roaring 20s, and maybe it's time for more mature thoughts... who am I kidding... let's just hit the road and see who we run into... hopefully Fawn Liebowitz and three of her friends. After all she was going to make me a pot.🚽 We'll start locally and head to Bumpass because they've been feeling a little blue in Virginia lately so time to redden those cheeks and...say it slowly...bump ass! I take it you'll be good from now on! Next stop... Beaver Dam... now unfortunately many states have a Beaver Dam, and, boys back me up on this, beaver blocking is not a good thing. This is America where individual rights matter including the unfettered access to beavers everywhere... just saying... if you SJWs want to March around with your little placards protesting whatever nonsense then the least you could do is Free the Beaver. Just put on those beaver hats and march.
I blame Eddie Haskell for this btw!🤔 Ok, onward north through Maryland. Of course we all know how bad they drive🏎 in Maryland so my advice is to drive straight through as fast as you can because nobody wants to get in an accident or have any part of Blue Ball Village, Md... so hold it in and head straight through to Intercourse, Pa before getting relief. Hey, we're guys and after a little Bumpass, it's time for Intercourse! That's right this is important... there are lots of issues needing a good and frank discussion so don't just roll over and sleep after Bumpass and unblocking the Beaver Dam... it's time for Intercourse. A polite mhmm before falling asleep should suffice! 🙊Where to next? The GPS now says that since we will be driving through the night we might as well stop for some moisturizer in Butternuts, NY before hitting Ramtown, NJ. Always a good time there. And since we are still young and energetic let's keep the road warrior rolling and head to Swallow Hill, De. It's of course home to the Blue Hen's who wear Blue Dresses and for some reason a favorite campaign stop for #42! 🤔 Still more gas in the tank then double back through Short Pump, Va before reaching Climax, NC. Ok time for a rest before heading to the flyover States. My advice for women candidates is to follow the phallic road from south to north starting with Dry Prong, La to Weiner, Ar to Big Bone, Ky to Floyd's Knob, In (ok candidate Pete B🧚🏼♂️ you can take this route also... what? I mean only because he's from Indiana)🙊🙉🙈...to Dick, Mi before heading back south through Balltown, Ia to Bonesteel, SD, then onto Dry Wood, Ks, then Bluit, NM before ending up appropriately n Dickshooter, Id. I know that might be a lot to swallow🙉 but you girls can handle. As for you male candidates I suggest you follow the campaign trail zig zagging north to south from Spread Eagle, Wi to Beaver City, Ne to Cooter, Mo to Hooker, Ok where if you like to go swimming with Bow legged women and swim between their legs you can pop by Bowlegs, Ok as well. #OkBoomer. Next zig east to Sweet Lips, Tn before zagging to Virgin, Ut to finish the job. No sense venturing to Mary's Igloo, Ak it's cold as ice! Keep it warm and meet up in Three Way, Az where there's room for a Third Party. And if this wasn't enough for sight seeing then let's head to Needmore,Tx also home of the Big D! We will leave La La Land alone since they are currently drowning under a mountain of Schiff💩, and we'll leave Wankers Corner, Or for the oddball fascist antifa type candidates in case any of the #fraudsquad throw their hat in the ring. Now that's what I call a road trip. Chuck Berry and the Rolling Stones may get their Kicks on Route 66, but I get mine on route 69! 🙈 Remember that we are in the 20s now and have many forked roads ahead with important decisions to consider. And since many youngins of voting age are still under the fog of inexperience it's the duty of us Gen Xers to show them the way. Let our experience guide these recent teens blinded with naivete, but bustling with frenetic energy down the path that will #KAG! Many of the young and uniformed/misinformed are like the classic joke, "why does the dog have a flat nose... he chases parked cars." Nice one dad!😂 Time to move past the pointlessness of wasted energy, and lessons already learned. How you might ask? Well I'm here to provide you with a roadmap to success and the Waze to avoid the pitfalls of the roads more traveled. Don't worry I'm not Niedermeyer, I don't think you're all worthless and weak. But my advice to you is to start drinking heavily,🍸 otherwise it actually might be seven years of college down the drain. Now where's my man, Otis Day and the Knights I feel like I want to Shout...
Well, you know you make me want to
(Shout)
Kick my heels up and
(Shout)
Throw my hands up and
(Shout)
Throw my head back and
(Shout)
Come on now
(Shout)
Don't forget to say you will
Don't forget to say
(Say you will)
Say it right now, baby
(Say you will)
Come on, come on
(Say you will)
Say that a you
(Say you will)...
You know you make me want to
(Shout)
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah alright alright
Come on now, come on now, yeah, yeah
Oh all right, oh all right, yeah, yeah, yeah
Now wait a minute, I feel alright
Now that I've got my woman
I feel, hey, alright
You been so good to me
You been so good to me
You know you make me want to
(Shout)
Lift my hands up and
(Shout)
Throw my hands back and
(Shout)
Come on now
"They confiscated everything. Even the stuff we didn't steal. They took the bar! The whole F'ing bar! This is ridiculous. What are we going to do? Roadtrip!" 🚦That's right... when things start to get ridiculous there's only one thing to do... load the gang in the car🚗, grab some appropriate road snacks like jerky🥓, funions, pork rinds🍿 and cheetos, and since this trip is chauffeured... feel free to grab as many roadies 🍺 as you can cuz this road trip will be off the beaten path. Time for a little Shama Lama Ding Dong... Hit it! 🥁As you know we are two weeks into a new year, a new decade, and an election year and it's important to start these off with a bang💥😜... advice that works for everyday btw as long as they're reasonably conscious, willing and available😜. Yeah #metoo.🙈🙉🙊 Anyway, because it is an election year and it's important for the candidates to get out and meet the voters, let me recommend a path to victory that will take the right candidate away from the swamps in DC🦎, the Sour Apple🍏, and La La Land🧚🏼♂️ and into the hinterlands where normal people reside. Well, I don't know how normal but at least to places that will give the mailman reason to chuckle📫. Now I know we're entering our Roaring 20s, and maybe it's time for more mature thoughts... who am I kidding... let's just hit the road and see who we run into... hopefully Fawn Liebowitz and three of her friends. After all she was going to make me a pot.🚽 We'll start locally and head to Bumpass because they've been feeling a little blue in Virginia lately so time to redden those cheeks and...say it slowly...bump ass! I take it you'll be good from now on! Next stop... Beaver Dam... now unfortunately many states have a Beaver Dam, and, boys back me up on this, beaver blocking is not a good thing. This is America where individual rights matter including the unfettered access to beavers everywhere... just saying... if you SJWs want to March around with your little placards protesting whatever nonsense then the least you could do is Free the Beaver. Just put on those beaver hats and march.
I blame Eddie Haskell for this btw!🤔 Ok, onward north through Maryland. Of course we all know how bad they drive🏎 in Maryland so my advice is to drive straight through as fast as you can because nobody wants to get in an accident or have any part of Blue Ball Village, Md... so hold it in and head straight through to Intercourse, Pa before getting relief. Hey, we're guys and after a little Bumpass, it's time for Intercourse! That's right this is important... there are lots of issues needing a good and frank discussion so don't just roll over and sleep after Bumpass and unblocking the Beaver Dam... it's time for Intercourse. A polite mhmm before falling asleep should suffice! 🙊Where to next? The GPS now says that since we will be driving through the night we might as well stop for some moisturizer in Butternuts, NY before hitting Ramtown, NJ. Always a good time there. And since we are still young and energetic let's keep the road warrior rolling and head to Swallow Hill, De. It's of course home to the Blue Hen's who wear Blue Dresses and for some reason a favorite campaign stop for #42! 🤔 Still more gas in the tank then double back through Short Pump, Va before reaching Climax, NC. Ok time for a rest before heading to the flyover States. My advice for women candidates is to follow the phallic road from south to north starting with Dry Prong, La to Weiner, Ar to Big Bone, Ky to Floyd's Knob, In (ok candidate Pete B🧚🏼♂️ you can take this route also... what? I mean only because he's from Indiana)🙊🙉🙈...to Dick, Mi before heading back south through Balltown, Ia to Bonesteel, SD, then onto Dry Wood, Ks, then Bluit, NM before ending up appropriately n Dickshooter, Id. I know that might be a lot to swallow🙉 but you girls can handle. As for you male candidates I suggest you follow the campaign trail zig zagging north to south from Spread Eagle, Wi to Beaver City, Ne to Cooter, Mo to Hooker, Ok where if you like to go swimming with Bow legged women and swim between their legs you can pop by Bowlegs, Ok as well. #OkBoomer. Next zig east to Sweet Lips, Tn before zagging to Virgin, Ut to finish the job. No sense venturing to Mary's Igloo, Ak it's cold as ice! Keep it warm and meet up in Three Way, Az where there's room for a Third Party. And if this wasn't enough for sight seeing then let's head to Needmore,Tx also home of the Big D! We will leave La La Land alone since they are currently drowning under a mountain of Schiff💩, and we'll leave Wankers Corner, Or for the oddball fascist antifa type candidates in case any of the #fraudsquad throw their hat in the ring. Now that's what I call a road trip. Chuck Berry and the Rolling Stones may get their Kicks on Route 66, but I get mine on route 69! 🙈 Remember that we are in the 20s now and have many forked roads ahead with important decisions to consider. And since many youngins of voting age are still under the fog of inexperience it's the duty of us Gen Xers to show them the way. Let our experience guide these recent teens blinded with naivete, but bustling with frenetic energy down the path that will #KAG! Many of the young and uniformed/misinformed are like the classic joke, "why does the dog have a flat nose... he chases parked cars." Nice one dad!😂 Time to move past the pointlessness of wasted energy, and lessons already learned. How you might ask? Well I'm here to provide you with a roadmap to success and the Waze to avoid the pitfalls of the roads more traveled. Don't worry I'm not Niedermeyer, I don't think you're all worthless and weak. But my advice to you is to start drinking heavily,🍸 otherwise it actually might be seven years of college down the drain. Now where's my man, Otis Day and the Knights I feel like I want to Shout...
Well, you know you make me want to
(Shout)
Kick my heels up and
(Shout)
Throw my hands up and
(Shout)
Throw my head back and
(Shout)
Come on now
(Shout)
Don't forget to say you will
Don't forget to say
(Say you will)
Say it right now, baby
(Say you will)
Come on, come on
(Say you will)
Say that a you
(Say you will)...
You know you make me want to
(Shout)
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah alright alright
Come on now, come on now, yeah, yeah
Oh all right, oh all right, yeah, yeah, yeah
Now wait a minute, I feel alright
Now that I've got my woman
I feel, hey, alright
You been so good to me
You been so good to me
You know you make me want to
(Shout)
Lift my hands up and
(Shout)
Throw my hands back and
(Shout)
Come on now
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