Ok👌, Ok👌, Ok👌...I get it!
I'm thinking of walking around with mistletoe in my back pocket so people can KMA, Antoinette.
Ok👌, I'm sorry. I know that's not very Christmas spirit like. The Christmas season is a good time to remember to go out of your way to be nice, be deferential, be understanding, be giving, and then if you are then maybe you'll be getting. 😜 In other words, it's to be, not not to be! Ok👌 I get it. Hold on... let me drink some clarity. 🍸Ok👌 I'm good to go. Now what I'm really here for is to help you with this 2019's gift buying. And since we're one week away from what I like to refer to as the best day/ last day to buy gifts, I think it's important to at least have some ideas in mind especially for that difficult to buy for giftee. Afterall, they probably won't appreciate the coal in their stocking even though it's just a diamond in waiting!💎 Ok👌let's get some presents under the tree and start with the person in your life who is easily triggered.
You know the one who cries when they see a melting snowflake as a harbinger of things to come... you know like spring. Ok👌, well these people need comfort. They need security. Something to hold onto that's real and tangible and will comfort them when they venture out of their safe space where no man has gone before... for this person I suggest the new Star Trek character doll... the Baby Yoda.😱😉 Ok👌 I hear you out there, Yoda, Yoda, Yoda! Truthfully though, this gift should work equally well for the Hantzel or Greta in your life just make sure you ride your electric scooter to pick it up! And if you have trouble finding it, it's right next to the Star Wars section where you can pick up a Spock doll if that's more comforting! Ok👌 who's next. Oh wait a minute, 🍺, ok👌go on. Now what to get for that get off my lawn type. The curmudgeon, grinch, scrooge, screecher, shrill, victim type who's primary job in life is to find social media posts that set them off and give them opportunity to feign their outrage by responding with Fascist taunts, Hitler labels, Science denier, racist, misogynist... yeah #metoo, homophobe... yeah #LGBTQExpalidocious, or the ones that are so stupid they need to be told, "Why don't you read a book?" Ok👌, now these people may seem difficult to buy for, but actually it's quite simple. Since they obviously want to be on the Right side of history I suggest giving them something to read. I'd wrap up a bundle for the long winter nights before global warming gets here🏜 that includes a copy of the Constitution, throw in the Federalist Papers, On Liberty, Democracy in America, The Americans Trilogy, The Road to Serfdom, Up From Slavery, Free to Choose, Can't is not an Option, God and Man at Yale, Who Killed the American Family, Thomas Sowell's Basic Economics, and maybe a copy of the SI swimsuit issue to provide some needed visuals🌞... yeah #metoo again! Ok👌 that should keep the "read a book" crowd happy until the big words show up then they can turn to the magazine, or if they're not into that kind of thing maybe the Hunks of the Antifa Movement Calendar🙈. I mean who wouldn't want 12 months of black clad, masked, out of shape basement dwellers beating up old people?🤔 Ok👌reading makes me thirsty, 🍷. Cheers... where were we... oh yeah, speaking of Antifa... it's time to consider those unhappy types who are actually brave enough to venture outside to voice their displeasure. So if you happen to know, or at least suspect (because hey, they're masked) someone on your gift list being one of the brave masked souls who only run in packs spreading their thoughts on free speech, assembly, right to life, Christmas, police protection, etc., they are going to need the proper equipment. Let's help them get back to the basement safely. I'd suggest gore-tex to protect them from water cannons, a catcher's chest pad for the rubber bullets, maybe a yoga mat for when they hear the National Anthem, a rape whistle when they find themselves separated and on their own, and a whiffle ball bat so they can flail around without hurting anyone or more likely themselves. Ok👌, now that the difficult are taken care of lets consider the normal. Speaking personally, which means I think I can speak for all men... Booze, books, cigars, sports related items and since it's been about 1 year exactly since the last time they got new socks or underwear they might be due.🙊 And for the XX types, and again I think I speak for all gift buying men on this subject, something that makes the XX > XXX👙💣💥!😛🙈Time to bring global warming to the bedroom.🙉 Ok👌, I think you can figure that part out on your own, but I would suggest a little bubbly🍾🥂 to set the mood. Remember men, it's always easier to buy gifts for someone who's easy! Just saying. Ok👌that should just about wrap🎁 this up... get it?😂 Ok👌 #boomer dad. Just remember that in this time of giving, we don't all have to agree on everything, but we can respect each other's right to believe. And if you find someone's antics to be particularly obnoxious just be like that great whale of a guy Melville who said, "The smile is the chosen vehicle of all ambiguities," and let the giftee think the best of you. Remember most of all it's the simple things in life that mean the most. Just ask Zac Brown, maybe he'll even share some Chicken Fried
Ok👌, I'm sorry. I know that's not very Christmas spirit like. The Christmas season is a good time to remember to go out of your way to be nice, be deferential, be understanding, be giving, and then if you are then maybe you'll be getting. 😜 In other words, it's to be, not not to be! Ok👌 I get it. Hold on... let me drink some clarity. 🍸Ok👌 I'm good to go. Now what I'm really here for is to help you with this 2019's gift buying. And since we're one week away from what I like to refer to as the best day/ last day to buy gifts, I think it's important to at least have some ideas in mind especially for that difficult to buy for giftee. Afterall, they probably won't appreciate the coal in their stocking even though it's just a diamond in waiting!💎 Ok👌let's get some presents under the tree and start with the person in your life who is easily triggered.
You know the one who cries when they see a melting snowflake as a harbinger of things to come... you know like spring. Ok👌, well these people need comfort. They need security. Something to hold onto that's real and tangible and will comfort them when they venture out of their safe space where no man has gone before... for this person I suggest the new Star Trek character doll... the Baby Yoda.😱😉 Ok👌 I hear you out there, Yoda, Yoda, Yoda! Truthfully though, this gift should work equally well for the Hantzel or Greta in your life just make sure you ride your electric scooter to pick it up! And if you have trouble finding it, it's right next to the Star Wars section where you can pick up a Spock doll if that's more comforting! Ok👌 who's next. Oh wait a minute, 🍺, ok👌go on. Now what to get for that get off my lawn type. The curmudgeon, grinch, scrooge, screecher, shrill, victim type who's primary job in life is to find social media posts that set them off and give them opportunity to feign their outrage by responding with Fascist taunts, Hitler labels, Science denier, racist, misogynist... yeah #metoo, homophobe... yeah #LGBTQExpalidocious, or the ones that are so stupid they need to be told, "Why don't you read a book?" Ok👌, now these people may seem difficult to buy for, but actually it's quite simple. Since they obviously want to be on the Right side of history I suggest giving them something to read. I'd wrap up a bundle for the long winter nights before global warming gets here🏜 that includes a copy of the Constitution, throw in the Federalist Papers, On Liberty, Democracy in America, The Americans Trilogy, The Road to Serfdom, Up From Slavery, Free to Choose, Can't is not an Option, God and Man at Yale, Who Killed the American Family, Thomas Sowell's Basic Economics, and maybe a copy of the SI swimsuit issue to provide some needed visuals🌞... yeah #metoo again! Ok👌 that should keep the "read a book" crowd happy until the big words show up then they can turn to the magazine, or if they're not into that kind of thing maybe the Hunks of the Antifa Movement Calendar🙈. I mean who wouldn't want 12 months of black clad, masked, out of shape basement dwellers beating up old people?🤔 Ok👌reading makes me thirsty, 🍷. Cheers... where were we... oh yeah, speaking of Antifa... it's time to consider those unhappy types who are actually brave enough to venture outside to voice their displeasure. So if you happen to know, or at least suspect (because hey, they're masked) someone on your gift list being one of the brave masked souls who only run in packs spreading their thoughts on free speech, assembly, right to life, Christmas, police protection, etc., they are going to need the proper equipment. Let's help them get back to the basement safely. I'd suggest gore-tex to protect them from water cannons, a catcher's chest pad for the rubber bullets, maybe a yoga mat for when they hear the National Anthem, a rape whistle when they find themselves separated and on their own, and a whiffle ball bat so they can flail around without hurting anyone or more likely themselves. Ok👌, now that the difficult are taken care of lets consider the normal. Speaking personally, which means I think I can speak for all men... Booze, books, cigars, sports related items and since it's been about 1 year exactly since the last time they got new socks or underwear they might be due.🙊 And for the XX types, and again I think I speak for all gift buying men on this subject, something that makes the XX > XXX👙💣💥!😛🙈Time to bring global warming to the bedroom.🙉 Ok👌, I think you can figure that part out on your own, but I would suggest a little bubbly🍾🥂 to set the mood. Remember men, it's always easier to buy gifts for someone who's easy! Just saying. Ok👌that should just about wrap🎁 this up... get it?😂 Ok👌 #boomer dad. Just remember that in this time of giving, we don't all have to agree on everything, but we can respect each other's right to believe. And if you find someone's antics to be particularly obnoxious just be like that great whale of a guy Melville who said, "The smile is the chosen vehicle of all ambiguities," and let the giftee think the best of you. Remember most of all it's the simple things in life that mean the most. Just ask Zac Brown, maybe he'll even share some Chicken Fried
It's funny how it's the little things in life that mean the most
Not where you live, what you drive or the price tag on your clothes
There's no dollar sign on a peace of mind, this I've come to know
So if you agree have a drink with me
Raise your glasses for a toast
To a little bit of chicken fried
Not where you live, what you drive or the price tag on your clothes
There's no dollar sign on a peace of mind, this I've come to know
So if you agree have a drink with me
Raise your glasses for a toast
To a little bit of chicken fried
And cold beer on a Friday night
A pair of jeans that fit just right
And the radio up
I like to see the sunrise
See the love in my woman's eyes
Feel the touch of a precious child
And know a mother's love
A pair of jeans that fit just right
And the radio up
I like to see the sunrise
See the love in my woman's eyes
Feel the touch of a precious child
And know a mother's love
I thank God for my life
And for the stars and stripes
May freedom forever fly, let it ring
Salute the ones who died
The ones that give their lives so we don't have to sacrifice
All the things we love
Like our chicken fried
And for the stars and stripes
May freedom forever fly, let it ring
Salute the ones who died
The ones that give their lives so we don't have to sacrifice
All the things we love
Like our chicken fried
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