Easter Services
Remember, with all Lenten obligations over, official drinking time is on airports and vacation schedule Antoinette...🛫🍸🏖🍹.
Well boys and girls we've come to the most important day on the Christian religious calendar and this year you'll have to spend it at home. Now I know many of us are not regular church attendees, but often Easter Sunday is the exception. We would get our best duds on, maybe a new spring hat, head to church and celebrate the greatest act from the greatest man...the resurrection. Then we go home and devour that movable feast and celebrate with the second greatest miracle...wine🍾. And brother this year it sure comes in handy. Not to mention you idiots who gave up drinking alcohol🍸 for Lent and managed to stick with your sacrifice through the Wuhan wham bam and the whine emanating from within your socially distanced abode... this is going to taste good, cheers🥂! Well we can spend our days blaming the Godless ChiComs🇨🇳 for the situation we're in now, but hey we're a Christian nation which means we take something bad and turn it into a positive. For instance it's a good refresher that, "caca happens!"💩 We all get pretty comfortable in our patterns and a shock like this is a good reminder to not take things for granted. It's a good time to reacquaint yourself with your family and significant other to find out if you can actually stand each other🙈🙉🙊. It's also a good time to find out how resourceful you are in maintaining an adequate TP🧻 supply. What's more, since there's no new sports on TV, it's a good time to invent new competitive games around the house...I suggest drinking games🍺! And since it's spring, it's a good time to go outside and reintroduce yourself to Mother Nature🏝. However, be careful if you're an allergy sufferer... one wrong sneeze might get you killed🤧! Just saying. It's also a good time to learn to cook especially for you millennials... get creative. Try something harder than mac-n- cheese. And of course it's a good time to stock your liquor cabinet🍸, wine rack🍷 and beer fridge🍺. Hey nobody's driving🚘 so drink up. Remember, at the end of the day, no matter how much the politicians and government promise you, you only have yourself and those close to you to rely on. It's not a time to sell your soul to the devil of big government so don't go down that rabbit hole. Instead it's time for your rugged individualism to emerge💪. Learn to count on yourself, not take things for granted, and remember... rabbits don't lay eggs🐇🥚. Those little brown things in their trail aren't chocolates!🐇💩 Fortify yourself with your adult beverage vaccine🍾 of choice today... mine will be a 2010 Duca di Salaparuta
... enjoy your feast hopefully with your family and thank the Lord for his first miracle... water into wine. "Dear Lord baby Jesus, we thank you so much for this bountiful harvest..." Hopefully it's more than Domino's, KFC and the always delicious Taco Bell, but if not... enjoy anyway. And all things considered, it's a good time to count your blessings even though like Billy Currington said... God is Great, Beer is Good, and People are Crazy
Well boys and girls we've come to the most important day on the Christian religious calendar and this year you'll have to spend it at home. Now I know many of us are not regular church attendees, but often Easter Sunday is the exception. We would get our best duds on, maybe a new spring hat, head to church and celebrate the greatest act from the greatest man...the resurrection. Then we go home and devour that movable feast and celebrate with the second greatest miracle...wine🍾. And brother this year it sure comes in handy. Not to mention you idiots who gave up drinking alcohol🍸 for Lent and managed to stick with your sacrifice through the Wuhan wham bam and the whine emanating from within your socially distanced abode... this is going to taste good, cheers🥂! Well we can spend our days blaming the Godless ChiComs🇨🇳 for the situation we're in now, but hey we're a Christian nation which means we take something bad and turn it into a positive. For instance it's a good refresher that, "caca happens!"💩 We all get pretty comfortable in our patterns and a shock like this is a good reminder to not take things for granted. It's a good time to reacquaint yourself with your family and significant other to find out if you can actually stand each other🙈🙉🙊. It's also a good time to find out how resourceful you are in maintaining an adequate TP🧻 supply. What's more, since there's no new sports on TV, it's a good time to invent new competitive games around the house...I suggest drinking games🍺! And since it's spring, it's a good time to go outside and reintroduce yourself to Mother Nature🏝. However, be careful if you're an allergy sufferer... one wrong sneeze might get you killed🤧! Just saying. It's also a good time to learn to cook especially for you millennials... get creative. Try something harder than mac-n- cheese. And of course it's a good time to stock your liquor cabinet🍸, wine rack🍷 and beer fridge🍺. Hey nobody's driving🚘 so drink up. Remember, at the end of the day, no matter how much the politicians and government promise you, you only have yourself and those close to you to rely on. It's not a time to sell your soul to the devil of big government so don't go down that rabbit hole. Instead it's time for your rugged individualism to emerge💪. Learn to count on yourself, not take things for granted, and remember... rabbits don't lay eggs🐇🥚. Those little brown things in their trail aren't chocolates!🐇💩 Fortify yourself with your adult beverage vaccine🍾 of choice today... mine will be a 2010 Duca di Salaparuta
... enjoy your feast hopefully with your family and thank the Lord for his first miracle... water into wine. "Dear Lord baby Jesus, we thank you so much for this bountiful harvest..." Hopefully it's more than Domino's, KFC and the always delicious Taco Bell, but if not... enjoy anyway. And all things considered, it's a good time to count your blessings even though like Billy Currington said... God is Great, Beer is Good, and People are Crazy
This old man and me, were at the bar and we
Were having us some beers and swaping 'I don't cares'
Talking politics, blond and red-head chicks
Old dogs and new tricks and habits we ain't kicked
Were having us some beers and swaping 'I don't cares'
Talking politics, blond and red-head chicks
Old dogs and new tricks and habits we ain't kicked
We talked about God's grace and all the hell we raised
Then I heard the ol' man say
"God is great, beer is good and people are crazy"
Then I heard the ol' man say
"God is great, beer is good and people are crazy"
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