Chinese Takeout
Do you find it ironic Antoinette that the first thing you do at an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting is tell everyone you're an alcoholic?🤔
Well peeps, it's a different time we're living in at the moment. We have other things to worry about besides #globalwarming, #metoo, and even campaign shenanigans. Currently nobody cares how #Berniefeels, or that the #AOC is AWOL, or #fauxahontas is doing the ghost dance, and #Biden2020 is happy he doesn't have to slur over his words publicly for the near future though he does miss the sniffing. 🤭 This is a time for America and the world to come together. Though there are many who hope the calamity will lead to the success of their political views over their opponents, hopefully most realize that when America does well, the world does well, #MAGA. And it's to this end that I've been tirelessly working this week. I know millions of you are wondering where and waiting for my weekly antidotes to the problems and vagaries of our existence. I apologize, but not to worry...it's because I've been in the lab busily concocting the vaccine/remedy for the perilous pestilence plaguing people presently.🤜🤛 Unlike the perfidious pretenders poisonously populating platforms with fake news, clickbait answers, and armageddon scenarios that would scare the most miserly of toilet paper connoisseurs...I focus on reality. We don't need politicians politicizing perils posthumously para political posturing. We need true, workable solutions to real world problems, and I'm happy to say that as far as you know I've discovered what's been in front of us the whole time... adult beverages. Wine, beer and liquor🍷🍺🍸 taken in any ratio works with 100% effectiveness (as long as you avoid contact with every other human being, bats, people that hang around bats, people that eat animals that eat things bats crap on, e.t.c, etc) Follow my prescription and we'll drive out the Covid19 quicker than St. Patrick drove out those euphemistic snakes🐍!
Now of course because of the immediacy of this crisis there is no time to go through the normal channels of the FDA approval process so you'll just have to take my word for it... trust me🤥, ;)! Anyway, how did we get here you might be asking? Well it starts with the Chinese. Not the good ones who came to America, help build the railroads, developed quick, takeout restaurants, aced the SATs, and have been discriminated against by all the limousine liberals left licking their wounded pride because these Ivy League wannabes got waitlisted from getting into their famous pass/fail pretend institutes of higher learning🏛. If only they had worked harder and were smarter because they sat next to Chin🤔. No I'm talking about the ChiComs🇨🇳. Those still left in Red China who are stuck behind the Great Wall 🧱of ignorance. Those who have only read the little red book📕 of Chairman Mao Tse whatever comes from my Tung is a lie Chinese. People who are still in the dark this late into the 21st century and don't realize that when you put fruits🍎, vegetables🥬 and meat🥩 for consumption next to live domestic animals🐕 and live wild animals🐘 who eat those fruits after bats🦇 have defecated💩 on them without washing their hands or using charmin🧻, then butcher them and in front of millions of humans who then go home and eat these products🤮... well Houston you might have a problem🤒😷. Remember peeps, this isn't the Wuhan Flu 1 or Chinese Influenza Dì Yī. This is Covid19! We've been here before and eventually the disease figures what it's up against and mutates🌬. Time we did the same. This isn't the common cold, or the sickness that good Irishmen🍀 wake up to daily. This is a zoonotic disease which means it jumps from animal to human, and then in this case mutates to spread human to human without any built in defenses. And because this is new we need new remedies and plans of attack. When people eat bats🦇, things that eat bats, things that bats leave their guano on... then the world goes batshit crazy. Reminder, this is the year of the rat🐀. A bat is a flying rat... responsible for the bubonic plague, black death☠, a lot of eeks and so yuck that only slithery snakes🐍 eat them. Well China, as a thank you for the railroads🚂 and Hunan Beef🍜 I'm here to help you, me and the rest of the world. I have the answer... copious amounts of alcohol 🍾which, since you're Chinese you probably know is also a Solution... and in this case... the solution! After a week plus in the lab I've found that old rules don't apply...out the window go old axioms of "beer before liquor, never sicker," or "wine before beer and you'll feel queer," and even "too much liquor and you'll feel sicker." Nope. Tut, tut Winnie the Pooh🐻 and Tigger Too🐅... strange times call for creative measures and the elixir of the Wuhan wham bam is alcohol in any combo, frequently partaken, and continuously while in the company of your significant other who is receptive of your medicinal reactions🛏. You know things like, "hey baby, you're the hot ass in my shot glass." Or, "I see you got some liquor, wanna give me a shot?" And finally, "do you like cocktails, because I think you and I should mix."👄 Remember, social distancing is for groups of 10 or more... that leaves a lot of room for fun.🙈🙉🙊 and probably a good start on the next generation who will undoubtedly be called Coronials👶. Now, I hear you out there..."what about the youngins?" I hear you, and first I would adjust the drinking age to where it should be...18🙌. Afterall, I think it's important that adults learn to hold their liquor before being allowed to vote. Secondly, this is a sickness of #okboomer... Youngins you'll be fine... don't visit the grandparents for the time being, share the controls to the video games, take turns on tv options, and wash your snot nosed hands🧼. Remember how lucky you are... every kid since the beginning of mandatory public education has wished for a calamity that would keep them out of school... you're welcome... and remember that one day you'll be talking to your kids about how hard it was "back in your day." #Okfutureboomers! Time to drink until you're vaccinated or have cured yourself🍻, and remember... don't make the cure worse than the disease💰. We got this America🇺🇸...Just listen to Arlo Guthrie and the City of New Orleans... they knew how to get through disasters...
Well peeps, it's a different time we're living in at the moment. We have other things to worry about besides #globalwarming, #metoo, and even campaign shenanigans. Currently nobody cares how #Berniefeels, or that the #AOC is AWOL, or #fauxahontas is doing the ghost dance, and #Biden2020 is happy he doesn't have to slur over his words publicly for the near future though he does miss the sniffing. 🤭 This is a time for America and the world to come together. Though there are many who hope the calamity will lead to the success of their political views over their opponents, hopefully most realize that when America does well, the world does well, #MAGA. And it's to this end that I've been tirelessly working this week. I know millions of you are wondering where and waiting for my weekly antidotes to the problems and vagaries of our existence. I apologize, but not to worry...it's because I've been in the lab busily concocting the vaccine/remedy for the perilous pestilence plaguing people presently.🤜🤛 Unlike the perfidious pretenders poisonously populating platforms with fake news, clickbait answers, and armageddon scenarios that would scare the most miserly of toilet paper connoisseurs...I focus on reality. We don't need politicians politicizing perils posthumously para political posturing. We need true, workable solutions to real world problems, and I'm happy to say that as far as you know I've discovered what's been in front of us the whole time... adult beverages. Wine, beer and liquor🍷🍺🍸 taken in any ratio works with 100% effectiveness (as long as you avoid contact with every other human being, bats, people that hang around bats, people that eat animals that eat things bats crap on, e.t.c, etc) Follow my prescription and we'll drive out the Covid19 quicker than St. Patrick drove out those euphemistic snakes🐍!
Now of course because of the immediacy of this crisis there is no time to go through the normal channels of the FDA approval process so you'll just have to take my word for it... trust me🤥, ;)! Anyway, how did we get here you might be asking? Well it starts with the Chinese. Not the good ones who came to America, help build the railroads, developed quick, takeout restaurants, aced the SATs, and have been discriminated against by all the limousine liberals left licking their wounded pride because these Ivy League wannabes got waitlisted from getting into their famous pass/fail pretend institutes of higher learning🏛. If only they had worked harder and were smarter because they sat next to Chin🤔. No I'm talking about the ChiComs🇨🇳. Those still left in Red China who are stuck behind the Great Wall 🧱of ignorance. Those who have only read the little red book📕 of Chairman Mao Tse whatever comes from my Tung is a lie Chinese. People who are still in the dark this late into the 21st century and don't realize that when you put fruits🍎, vegetables🥬 and meat🥩 for consumption next to live domestic animals🐕 and live wild animals🐘 who eat those fruits after bats🦇 have defecated💩 on them without washing their hands or using charmin🧻, then butcher them and in front of millions of humans who then go home and eat these products🤮... well Houston you might have a problem🤒😷. Remember peeps, this isn't the Wuhan Flu 1 or Chinese Influenza Dì Yī. This is Covid19! We've been here before and eventually the disease figures what it's up against and mutates🌬. Time we did the same. This isn't the common cold, or the sickness that good Irishmen🍀 wake up to daily. This is a zoonotic disease which means it jumps from animal to human, and then in this case mutates to spread human to human without any built in defenses. And because this is new we need new remedies and plans of attack. When people eat bats🦇, things that eat bats, things that bats leave their guano on... then the world goes batshit crazy. Reminder, this is the year of the rat🐀. A bat is a flying rat... responsible for the bubonic plague, black death☠, a lot of eeks and so yuck that only slithery snakes🐍 eat them. Well China, as a thank you for the railroads🚂 and Hunan Beef🍜 I'm here to help you, me and the rest of the world. I have the answer... copious amounts of alcohol 🍾which, since you're Chinese you probably know is also a Solution... and in this case... the solution! After a week plus in the lab I've found that old rules don't apply...out the window go old axioms of "beer before liquor, never sicker," or "wine before beer and you'll feel queer," and even "too much liquor and you'll feel sicker." Nope. Tut, tut Winnie the Pooh🐻 and Tigger Too🐅... strange times call for creative measures and the elixir of the Wuhan wham bam is alcohol in any combo, frequently partaken, and continuously while in the company of your significant other who is receptive of your medicinal reactions🛏. You know things like, "hey baby, you're the hot ass in my shot glass." Or, "I see you got some liquor, wanna give me a shot?" And finally, "do you like cocktails, because I think you and I should mix."👄 Remember, social distancing is for groups of 10 or more... that leaves a lot of room for fun.🙈🙉🙊 and probably a good start on the next generation who will undoubtedly be called Coronials👶. Now, I hear you out there..."what about the youngins?" I hear you, and first I would adjust the drinking age to where it should be...18🙌. Afterall, I think it's important that adults learn to hold their liquor before being allowed to vote. Secondly, this is a sickness of #okboomer... Youngins you'll be fine... don't visit the grandparents for the time being, share the controls to the video games, take turns on tv options, and wash your snot nosed hands🧼. Remember how lucky you are... every kid since the beginning of mandatory public education has wished for a calamity that would keep them out of school... you're welcome... and remember that one day you'll be talking to your kids about how hard it was "back in your day." #Okfutureboomers! Time to drink until you're vaccinated or have cured yourself🍻, and remember... don't make the cure worse than the disease💰. We got this America🇺🇸...Just listen to Arlo Guthrie and the City of New Orleans... they knew how to get through disasters...
Good morning America how are you?
Don't you know me I'm your native son
I'm the train they call The City of New Orleans
I'll be gone five hundred miles when the day is done
Don't you know me I'm your native son
I'm the train they call The City of New Orleans
I'll be gone five hundred miles when the day is done
Dealin' cards with the old men in the club car
Penny a point ain't no one keepin' score
Won't you pass the paper bag that holds the bottle
Feel the wheels rumblin' 'neath the floor
And the sons of Pullman porters
And the sons of engineers
Ride their father's magic carpets made of steam
Mothers with their babes asleep
Are rockin' to the gentle beat
And the rhythm of the rails is all they dream
Penny a point ain't no one keepin' score
Won't you pass the paper bag that holds the bottle
Feel the wheels rumblin' 'neath the floor
And the sons of Pullman porters
And the sons of engineers
Ride their father's magic carpets made of steam
Mothers with their babes asleep
Are rockin' to the gentle beat
And the rhythm of the rails is all they dream
Good morning America how are you?
Don't you know me I'm your native son
I'm the train they call The City of New Orleans
I'll be gone five hundred miles when the day is done
Don't you know me I'm your native son
I'm the train they call The City of New Orleans
I'll be gone five hundred miles when the day is done
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