Old School
Like Bluto said, my advice is to start drinking heavily Antoinette.
Well boys and girls we are well into the first semester of school so I think it's time for a progress report. But don't worry, nothing bad is being sent home to your parents. Instead it's time to look at the progress of our nations universities and colleges. We will leave K-12 for later since presumably most of those students aren't old enough for adult beverages and this is going to make you want to drink. Now of course many college students aren't technically old enough either, but... who are we kidding? Beer me! 🍺 Btw, the word progress is a euphemism here, because what we really mean is regress, though that doesn't really work either. Since never in the history of education has our "campusses" been this retarded! Yeah I said it. It seems like many of our institutions of higher learning, are really mental institutions where everybody must be high, cuz there ain't no learning going on. We might have taken our time in years past. You know, trying to cram 4 years of college into 6, but we finished.🙊 Now, instead of being places where young people gather, are exposed to many varied opinions, integrate with people from all over the country and the world even, explore academic interests and challenge themselves to new athletic pursuits like keg stands etc...the reality is that on many campusses the opposite is happening.
Segregation, suppression of ideas and language, intolerance and indoctrination of inane ideas counter to the pillars of Western Civilization that created the greatest country and most life affirming culture in the history of mankind is the new normal(uh oh, trigger word)🙊. Take the University of Nevada for instance nicknamed the Wolfpack presumably after Zach G and the Hangover boys...instead of encouraging the mingling of students, they now have dorms to reflect anyone's narrow identity. Black dorms, gay dorms, vegan dorms, XX chromosome only dorms (no word on alternative identifying science denying former pole vaulting Bruce Jenner types in this dorm) and they even have dorms for those that want to study and graduate and leave the protected womb of the safe space of college campusses! Your turn to chug!🍻 A Williams College professor was recently pilloried and declared "an enemy of the people" for his suggestion that the college sign on to the "Chicago principles," which is a statement calling for free speech to be central to college and university culture. The nerve! Apparently, Williams College snowflakes say that free speech is part of a right wing agenda and cover for "racism, xenophobia, sexism, anti-Semitism, homophobia, transphobia, ableism and classism." ❄Hmm! Kind of reminds you of a left wing agenda!🤔 Where's the 48 ounce beer bong?🍺 Only 70 of the 4000 colleges have been willing to sign the pledge. Wait there's more. At Dartmouth (begun as an Indian school) a sociology professor says all students should take her class on black history and white privilege👌. By doing so they would realize that "being a good person does not make them innocent but rather they, too, are implicated in a system of racial dominance." She adds, ""After spending their young lives in a condition of 'white blindness,' that is, the inability to see their own racial privilege, they begin to awaken to the notion that racism has systematically kept others down while benefiting them and other white people." In other words slavery is still their fault. No such concept as individual responsibility. Is that gonna be on the test?😟 Not only that, but the whole concept of meritocracy based on hard work and effort is just another white tool ⚒of discrimination and oppression! Huh? 🤔 Then where do equal rights come from? And what do you call it when you sit next to the Asian kid🤓 to improve your grades🤐. I'm gonna need some brain🧠 lube. Barkeep...🍸! Now if you really want to get down to the absurd, just take a look at Bikini Bottom!😛🙈 Not there...
eyes up here! Now I can't say that I blame you, because if you're like me when you think of Bikini Bottom, a smile comes to your face!👙 But in this reference we are talking about the place 🏝 where SpongeBob lives with his friends🐡🐠🦈. Since I never watched the show, because hey I'm an adult male who doesn't watch cartoons of weird characters on the ocean floor, only of sophisticated cartoons like Bugs Bunny... but anyway... I didn't realize the cartoon is set in the Bikini Atoll...site of nuclear testing🚀 and now storage area for atomic waste and unfortunately not in the cramped, though highly prized location of a Brazilian bikini Bottom🙈. Yeah #metoo! What's worse is that according to University of Washington prof, SpongeBob is a "violent, racist colonizer," and has written a paper to that effect, Unsettling SpongeBob and the Legacies of Violence on Bikini Bottom. Wow, there's an article that needed writing🙉. And so many thought that was just an innocent cartoon with nice life lessons for children and adult children! Who knew?👎 She points out the absence of discussion about violent American military actions💥, what happened to the 11 indigenous people who actually came from somewhere else, and that SpongeBob as an American character being allowed to live there shows his privilege!!!! I'm feeling tropical now, how about a beach drink? 🍹Thanks. Where was I, oh yeah... furthermore, “SpongeBob’s presence on Bikini Bottom continues the violent and racist expulsion of Indigenous peoples from their lands (and in this case their cosmos) that enables U.S. hegemonic powers to extend their military and colonial interests in the postwar era,” she wrote. Man!🤕 Even worse, the song belittles Bikini Bottom as a place of nonsense!🤡 Not to mention all the gender bias. In conclusion, the brilliant professor points out that “We should be uncomfortable with a hamburger-loving🍔 American community’s occupation of Bikini’s lagoon and the ways that it erodes every aspect of sovereignty.” So there! I see only one solution...time to do the right thing! It's time to go Bottom-less!👙🙈🙉🙊😛 Then it's time to get back to Old School ways and get some real learnin' up in here so we can get some legitimate representatives right #AOC?! Do you think she's worried that if we impose sanctions on Turkey we'll have to have ham on Thanksgiving?🤔 Food for thought. Oh well The Freshmen congressmen are like college freshmen... often clueless and too much time on the pipe, but not the Verve Pipe!
When I was young I knew everything
Well boys and girls we are well into the first semester of school so I think it's time for a progress report. But don't worry, nothing bad is being sent home to your parents. Instead it's time to look at the progress of our nations universities and colleges. We will leave K-12 for later since presumably most of those students aren't old enough for adult beverages and this is going to make you want to drink. Now of course many college students aren't technically old enough either, but... who are we kidding? Beer me! 🍺 Btw, the word progress is a euphemism here, because what we really mean is regress, though that doesn't really work either. Since never in the history of education has our "campusses" been this retarded! Yeah I said it. It seems like many of our institutions of higher learning, are really mental institutions where everybody must be high, cuz there ain't no learning going on. We might have taken our time in years past. You know, trying to cram 4 years of college into 6, but we finished.🙊 Now, instead of being places where young people gather, are exposed to many varied opinions, integrate with people from all over the country and the world even, explore academic interests and challenge themselves to new athletic pursuits like keg stands etc...the reality is that on many campusses the opposite is happening.
eyes up here! Now I can't say that I blame you, because if you're like me when you think of Bikini Bottom, a smile comes to your face!👙 But in this reference we are talking about the place 🏝 where SpongeBob lives with his friends🐡🐠🦈. Since I never watched the show, because hey I'm an adult male who doesn't watch cartoons of weird characters on the ocean floor, only of sophisticated cartoons like Bugs Bunny... but anyway... I didn't realize the cartoon is set in the Bikini Atoll...site of nuclear testing🚀 and now storage area for atomic waste and unfortunately not in the cramped, though highly prized location of a Brazilian bikini Bottom🙈. Yeah #metoo! What's worse is that according to University of Washington prof, SpongeBob is a "violent, racist colonizer," and has written a paper to that effect, Unsettling SpongeBob and the Legacies of Violence on Bikini Bottom. Wow, there's an article that needed writing🙉. And so many thought that was just an innocent cartoon with nice life lessons for children and adult children! Who knew?👎 She points out the absence of discussion about violent American military actions💥, what happened to the 11 indigenous people who actually came from somewhere else, and that SpongeBob as an American character being allowed to live there shows his privilege!!!! I'm feeling tropical now, how about a beach drink? 🍹Thanks. Where was I, oh yeah... furthermore, “SpongeBob’s presence on Bikini Bottom continues the violent and racist expulsion of Indigenous peoples from their lands (and in this case their cosmos) that enables U.S. hegemonic powers to extend their military and colonial interests in the postwar era,” she wrote. Man!🤕 Even worse, the song belittles Bikini Bottom as a place of nonsense!🤡 Not to mention all the gender bias. In conclusion, the brilliant professor points out that “We should be uncomfortable with a hamburger-loving🍔 American community’s occupation of Bikini’s lagoon and the ways that it erodes every aspect of sovereignty.” So there! I see only one solution...time to do the right thing! It's time to go Bottom-less!👙🙈🙉🙊😛 Then it's time to get back to Old School ways and get some real learnin' up in here so we can get some legitimate representatives right #AOC?! Do you think she's worried that if we impose sanctions on Turkey we'll have to have ham on Thanksgiving?🤔 Food for thought. Oh well The Freshmen congressmen are like college freshmen... often clueless and too much time on the pipe, but not the Verve Pipe!
When I was young I knew everything
And she a punk who rarely ever took advice
Now I'm guilt stricken,
Sobbing with my head on the floor
Stop a baby's breath and a shoe full of rice, no
Now I'm guilt stricken,
Sobbing with my head on the floor
Stop a baby's breath and a shoe full of rice, no
I can't be held responsible
'Cause she was touching her face
I won't be held responsible
She fell in love in the first place
'Cause she was touching her face
I won't be held responsible
She fell in love in the first place
For the life of me I cannot remember
What made us think that we were wise and
We'd never compromise
For the life of me I cannot believe
We'd ever die for these sins
We were merely freshmen
What made us think that we were wise and
We'd never compromise
For the life of me I cannot believe
We'd ever die for these sins
We were merely freshmen
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