1492 and all that!

If life's treating you like a baby treats a diaper, it's time to pour some wine and celebrate Columbus Day, Antoinette. 

Indigenous people's day🛶 has replaced Columbus Day🗿 in the nation's capital named after... you guessed it... Christopher Columbus! So now in Washington D.I.P, as in sheep dip💩, or more colloquially known as the swamp🐍... special interests have decided to recognize any natives that may have resided in what literally once was a swamp. Obviously, there are very few natives in the D.I.P. area, in fact, I think the last time any Indians were in town they got shut out by the Nationals 7-0!⚾️ 

Now while it's unfortunate that the Braves are no longer around (natitude), it's more unfortunate that we take a wondrous event in world history🌎🚢🗽, and a courageous and intrepid explorer like Chris Columbus and denigrate him to mollify some social misfits, hate mongers and terrorists groups like the KKK, antifa, Zinn-maniacs, Blasio, etc. etc👎. Kind of ironic that Columbus Day was enacted by Prez Ben Harrison to celebrate the 400th anniversary and tie in with the Columbia Exposition, and also followed the largest mass lynching in American history... of 11 Italians!🙈 The modern day denigration resembles the same kind of hate early Catholic Italians suffered. Mind you the same people, who might get lost once in awhile (Marco.....Polo), but have united the world with food and wine🍝🍷. They've brought pizza🍕 to the masses so you wouldn't miss the game. They've brought wine🥂 to adults in order to make the pizza better and lessen the whine. And they've given us beautiful women who ride vespas in short skirts so that we all can understand La Dolce Vita!🛵💋 Imagine if Columbus never came, and all these basement dwelling hate-mongers were still living in European basements and the like? Well you would certainly have unity in the old world, but they'd be speaking German🇩🇪 and spending marks, and if they weren't Aryan they'd be changing their surnames to survive. And in the New World they wouldn't know what to call themselves... Native ?🤔 What is admirable about Columbus is also what has MAG! He personified American virtues🇺🇸... strength, boldness and pushing the envelope. It's the spirit that pushed us West, to the moon, and into creating Brew Thru's! Like Prez 40 said, "Columbus is justly admired as a brilliant navigator, a fearless man of action, a visionary who opened the eyes of an older world to an entirely new one. Above all, he personifies a view of the world that many see as quintessentially American: not merely optimistic, but scornful of the very notion of despair."

Celebrating great men doesn't make you blind to their imperfections, but nor should it make you blind to their contributions. Don't let asshats rewrite our history so they can pretend a wokeness that gets nobody anywhere. Celebrate the good, learn from the mistakes and take advantage of your day off with a bottle of wine and be like John Winger, "gentlemen, it's party time Italian style." And remember what 1492 is really about:

In 14 hundred and 92, 

Columbus sailed the ocean blue.

He had three ships and left from Spain; 

looking for new places to share his name. 

Go west young man, it's the place you ought to be, 

So he loaded up Nina, Pinta and the Santa Mari[e]

He sailed west off the map, mate...Here there be monsters, 

Antifa, pc'ers and Hollywood mobsters

But his bravery was known, his courage resolute

He'd blaze new trails to dispense all his loot 

He had a hold full of goods to sell on his day

So why travel to India with America on the way.

Bringing beads, blankets and disease and new names for the indigenous

He returned with tomatoes, potatoes and syphillis

Chris became famous for all the deals he'd arrange, 

Discounted so much they became the Columbian Exchange. 

But the best deal of all, the one we owe plenty

Was the bringing of wine to each one out of many

E pluribus unum,  from out of many one

Works well with America, and a cab sauvignon 

He discovered a new world from which to experiment

Making people happy with just one ingredient. 

Republic and Democracy and individual rights 

Words worth toasting with the perfect sparkling white. 

America's the greatest country, we all know that's true, 

But we're still a work in progress with things left to do. 

CC found America, and now the world looks to us

Time to uncork the vino, share with all on this bus

There's been too much divisiveness and rancor out there

don't swap spit with a jackass, just share your carmeñere.

Celebrate Columbus for the things he made possible

And any problems we have, this is America, they're solvable. 

He left us the legacy of Latin America 

The samba, the mambo and the caliente Shakira.

North of the border, we have cowboys and Indians

Hip hop and rock, and a thing called millennials

All this is fine if you pair the right wine

Choose this correctly and you'll lessen the whine

Be as generous with your pour as you are with advice, 

Then social media warriors will have done something nice. 

Now you get the picture, and if you want to know what it was like on some Lonely Island just ask T who knew the Paine of I'm on a Boat...

I'm on a boat mf'er take a look at me
Straight flowing on a boat on the deep blue sea
Busting five knots, wind whipping out my coat
You can't stop me mf'er cause I'm on a boat

Take a picture, trick (trick)
I'm on a boat, beatch (beatch)
We drinking Santana champ,
Cause it's so crisp (crisp)
I got my swim trunks
And my flippie-floppies
I'm flipping burgers, you at Kinko's
Straight flipping copies