Conspiracy Theories

Ironically, rhetorical devices are often oxymoronic like a metaphorical simile as when suicided is like killed dead but sounds onomatopoetic as in oops upside your head...say what Antoinette?

Jumping jehoshaphat Josephine. Just when JeremyEp judged jurisprudence justified jilting juries and journalists' jollies and other jocundities, he made a euphemistic jailbreak before his jeremiad jolted jillions of jaundiced and jittery jackasses who jetted on jailbait joyride junkets just jammin' jokingly with junior Jennys...so he jettisoned his life by suiciding himself with paper jammies and three self inflicted shots to the back of the head🙊. Just jawing. Happens all the time. I think I need to wet my whistle, 🍸, ah! Ok, actually you don't need creative rhetorical and literary devices when talking about the current political landscape, because the irony is rich, the oxymorons are plentiful, hyperbole is the norm, and the simile to remember is everyone you disagree with is like a racist nazi misogynistic science denying illiterate heterosexual earth hating homophobic carnivore🙉... but I digress. Actually this should be a good year for many and maybe a good opportunity for people to come together over a shared interest... conspiracy theories🤜🤛. Arguing over conspiracies is more like the old fashioned arguments... nobody really cares and you're unlikely to be unfriended if you disagree🙏. For instance, conspiracy theories about the political equivalent of SIDS, known as SAOCDS (sudden acquaintance of Clinton death syndrome often suffered by those who threatened not to clam up).

Speaking conspiratorially,  I'd be worried if my initials showed up there in the middle of the death sentence... #AOC.  Hmm, maybe it's just coincidental all 50 plus previous times it has occurred. Nothing to see here🙈. The fact that they all occurred at lets say serendipitous moments for the fortunes of the Clintons #42 and #45,  oh wait that's not right... What Happened? #ImWithHer, and of course the slush fund, I mean foundation that keeps on giving is purely unintentional. Just think of it as assisted suicides... where the assistant is just good fortune, money, and plenty of swamp creatures. Actually, I'm not here to foment conspiracy theories because I know the end result... years of ridiculous programming on the History Channel, Discovery Channel, and Who Wants to be a Millionaire. I actually remember when there used to be good programs on the History Channel... now ironically it's just unreal "reality" tv and propagandized historical revisionism. People die all the time, and tomorrow is promised to no man, or woman for that matter so just because you have a greater chance of dying if you have ever had contact with a Clinton than by the combined percentage of deaths from terrorism, an ar15, snakebite🐍, shark attack🦈, old age, cancer, smoking, heart ailments, visiting the Dominican Republic, living in any communist country, appearing in a Nightmare on Elm Street movie 🧟‍♂️and while on suicide watch in a maximum security prison 🙈🙉🙊doesn't mean that it was anything but an unfortunate coincidence. Ok, maybe there was a little hyperbole there, but actually exaggeration and irony are effective blog plot devices and certainly are worth a nervous chuckle or two. The good news is we are in the middle of the Idiomatic dog days of summer🐶🏜 which means my vacation starts next week🏖. There's nothing like a vacay at the beach to forget about conspiracy theories, political dodgeball, assisted or unassisted suicides, and meaningless literary devices. Life is too short and there are a lot of yet unmade drinks 🍹that haven't been drunk yet to worry about the mundane problems of Clinton associates. Maybe if the world shared the same common oxymoronic vacation goal of becoming drunk as a football bat🤔, they would have less time to hate on each other, get apoplectic over social media posts🤯, or suicide themselves because of their acquaintances🗡. And since the moon is known as the God of drunkards, it's only fitting that while you're passed out in the R.E.M. dream state you might be dreaming of conspiracies and the Man in the Moon...

Moses went walking with the staff of wood (yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah)
Newton got beaned by the apple good (yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah)
Egypt was troubled by the horrible asp (yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah)
Mister Charles Darwin had the gall to ask (yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah)

Now, Andy did you hear about this one?
Tell me, are you locked in the punch?
Hey, Andy are you goofing on Elvis?
Hey baby, are you having fun?

If you believed they put a man on the moon, man on the moon

If you believe there's nothing up his sleeve, then nothing is cool