Changes in Attitude

Vacations are necessary in order to die young as late as possible Antoinette.

One of the beauties of a vacay at the beach🏖 is you lose track of time and before you know it Monday becomes Wednesday and the Monday blog becomes whatev's bruddah! This quite possibly is related to the fact that while on vacation at said beach, there is no time of day when consuming adult beverages is frowned upon except if you're caught drinking by repressed lifeguards with David Hasselhoff and BayWatch fantasies...this is also why God invented the Yeti tumbler.🍻  As a matter of fact,  I would argue that one looks out of place at the beach without an adult beverage in hand🍹. Now I know there are the healthnut types you see at every beach who like to obstruct your blurry view of the ocean by jogging🏃‍♂️🏃‍♀️ in front of you, and those who like to preen their yoga workouts🧘‍♀️ in the midst of us regular people who do normal things at the beach like not stretching in front of others, while eating boardwalk fries, drinking alcohol🍷 and who dare go in the water without waiting the requisite 30 minutes🏊‍♂️. Risky behavior to be sure. But in the war between Yogaists, Joggers, Power Walkers, SJW's, VS's, PC nazi's, mass murderers, socialists, Patriot Fans and other contemptible people and the Boardwalk Fry eating, beer guzzling 🍺deplorable... who do you think will most likely get sand kicked in their face at the end of the day? I rest my case... cheers!🍸

Now besides drinking all day, sunburning/tanning and kicking sand in the face of lesser thans, there is the added benefit of losing track of the serious issues going on in the world🌎 which leaves you time to ponder the truly insignificant, weird and wacky stuff that sometimes falls by the wayside. ... take this interesting story for instance. In an effort to punk fellow terrorist good for nothings, "al qaeda mocks terrorist rival isis by releasing blooper reel." 📽 Apparently, in an effort to win converts, opposing jihadist poke fun at the ineptitude of the other. Videos of isis recruits👎 not being able to remember the pledge and being heckled by birds🐓 have been circulated along with students in isis bomb training 101 💣blowing themselves up while learning about explosives. Presumably they also get the big reveal that it's not virgins 💑you get as promised after voluntarily dismembering yourself(faulty translation), but 72 raisins instead🍇. Hmm, at least they'll be regular and they and al qaeda can go back to living in bunker busting bomb proof caves🌋. Oh... they don't exist? Oh well...c'est la vie!😱Then of course you get Elon Musk, the inventor businessman not the aftershave, who says the way to get life on Mars is to nuke it🚀! This will then create carbon dioxide and as long as Planned Parenthood isn't around, life on Mars can develop. How to nuke Mars is another question....presumably just use a variety of charging stations🔌 on intervening asteroids🌠 and other orbs and the Tesla nukes will be able to complete the journey. That's the kind of forward thinking we need around here.🤔 But if you want to keep your territorial expansion closer to home but still make significant territorial gains, (and who doesn't), I think it's time to switch directions. No longer should America's destiny be,  "go west young man"...we see what California has brought us and the fourth rock from the sun is pretty far. Now it's time to go where the grass is greener🍀...Greenland! Now while Greenland is still technically white from that persistent global warming denying snow and ice❄... eventually it should be green according to Al G.(see what I did there?😉). Of course that means we will be able to grow vineyards 🍇and fields of amber waves of grain🌾 supplying America and those that matter plenty of adult beverages🍷. Sorry #jihadists #fraudsquad #etc. This kind of land deal should get done in about 10 minutes. There's like 60 people in Greenland. Just give them each a couple million and a plane ticket somewhere warm like Miami👙🏖. Denmark 🇩🇰doesn't know what's going on there anyway... besides they are too busy eating danishes. As a matter of fact, let's buy Canada🇨🇦 while we're at it... then we won't have to build a wall there to keep out the White walkers. Oh that threat is over? It was only make believe? So where did the disappointed hollyweirders go after the last election? Oh that was make believe also. Hmm, I wonder where they'll threaten to move next time? I'm guessing not Venezuela🇻🇪. So anyway, with the addition of Canada and Greenland our Olympic hockey, dog sled and viking teams should be better. And once global warming takes effect, more land will become available for producing adult beverages, polar bears will be able to retire to warmer climes and maple syrup will be more readily available. But right now it's time to get back to the beach... surf's up... time to hit the Buffett and get my mind right with some Changes in Latitude...

I took off for a weekend last month
Just to try and recall the whole year
All of the faces and all of the places
Wonderin' where they all disappeared
I didn't ponder the question too long
I was hungry and went out for a bite
Ran into a chum with a bottle of rum
And we wound up drinkin all night

It's these changes in latitudes, changes in attitudes
Nothing remains quite the same
With all of our running and all of our cunning
If we couldn't laugh we would all go insane