I don't care who you are, this is funny!
Stop me if you've heard this one before Antoinette.
Not only is truth stranger than fiction, it's often funnier. I'm talking Haha funny😂. Not the kind of funny like isn't it funny they had a shutdown of government for a month over building a wall on the southern border that both D's and R's have been building since 1994 and which everyone previously supported; or that Prez Trump is actually funding Mexico's effort to build a barrier on its southern border? Huh?🤔 I thought they were paying for the wall. Hmm. That's not really that funny except in an ironic way. I'm talking the kind of funny that's funny whether you've been drinking or not🍸
...but remember everything is funnier when you open a bottle 🍾and share with friends🥂. In fact, that's how you fix the swamp... spike their water fountain...that's the Art of the Deal! Covfefe! MAGA! And since the rest of us could use a good laugh how about some truly funny headlines 📰 I've run across recently. What's funny is it makes you wonder if they even realize what they are writing or are they just part of Gen O, (named for the oblivious generation🙃, not the Ocasio generation, because that would be redundant #AOC). How about these headlines from National publications about the funniest planet, "There's something very hard🙈 heading towards Uranus, scientists believe," "Uranus takes a pounding more frequently than you thought."😰 Has anyone actually ever thought about how often Uranus takes a pounding🤔? Or how about this, "NASA wants to probe deeper into Uranus than ever before." 🚀And believe it or not they want to so as to learn more about gas from Uranus!🤭 You can't make this up. And in a follow up, "Scientists just recreated the horrendous substance found deep inside Uranus."😷 Maybe we should take the funding used for that "important" cause and build a wall instead! Just saying. Now the last one, and how can you not..."Don't laugh, but we just found something mysterious near Uranus."😉 And we aren't talking about that dingleberry formerly known as Planet Pluto🙊. Btw, if you are gender confused read these headlines...if you laugh at these you're definitely a Male♂️! Now enough about Uranus, let's talk about mine...Haha sorry...last one. Believe it or not us males actually find other things funny besides planetary potty humor and there is no shortage of funny crap to laugh about. For instance, "Police🚔 say man with no Hands and no Legs is armed and on the run." I think somebody, "Picked the wrong week to quit sniffing glue." And out in LaLa land..."Big Rig🚛 carrying fruit crashes on 210 🛣freeway, creates jam!" And an impromptu "Britney" rave. 🧚♂️🧚♀️(Think about it...😉) "Statistics show teen pregnancy drops off significantly after age 25." Remember boys and girls, statistics can be misleading. 🤥"Parents keep kids home to protest school closure." That'll learn them durn kids. 🤪"Homicide victims rarely talk to police." Good, cuz nobody likes a tattletale. And I don't know about you but I'm getting tired of these royal scandals, homonym puns, and bad editing, "Queen Mother👸 helps abuse girl." There oughta be a law. Like there should be for the little guy..."Midget sues Grocer, cites belittling remarks." Wait till T. Lannister hears about this... he'll know what to do, he drinks wine.🍷 If you think this blog is sexist how about this, "Chick accuses some of her Male colleagues as sexist." Lighten up Babe! #metoo! Sometimes you have to read past the headline to get how the story really ends..."Waterford boy, 8, saves sister's life," but then said, "I wouldn't do it again, she's been a pain this week." Other children are more supportive of family, "Student excited dad got head job," apparently he wasn't in Kansas anymore...wait, he was? It seems somebody got a rise out of that, as in the New York Yankees, "A-Rod goes deep, Wang Hurt." And we might as well stay in the gutter, "Porn Star sues over rear end collision." Video at 11:00 on pay per view! Now back to local news, "Police: Crack found in man's buttocks." See the circular nature of life and how no matter how hard we try, all roads lead back to Uranus.🙊 What we need is something good to happen, "Miracle cure kills 5th patient." Huh? Apparently some things just take a little longer to work. And finally, never trust a Native American dressed in a clown suit 🤡in a Chinese restaurant, "Clown commits Fu King robbery." Stay in your lane bro! What's that you say? I'm a funny guy?! "... I'm funny how, I mean funny like I'm a clown, I amuse you? I make you laugh, I'm here to f'in amuse you? ...How am I funny?" Well I'll leave you with one last funny item as well as the answer to one of life's eternal questions...A Priest, a Rabbi, and an Atheist walk into a bar. The bartender says, "dammit, no! We don't like jokes in here and if you guys are a part of one, you're gonna have to leave right now!" So the priest, rabbi, and atheist leave the bar and a chicken walks in. The bartender says, "OH COME ON! We don't serve CHICKENS in here!" The chicken says, "Do you know somewhere that does?" The bartender says, "Yeah.." The chicken asks, "Well, where is it?" The bartender says, "It's across the road." Now if you aren't laughing at that it's time to "lighten up Francis" before you kill someone and get another drink.🍻 After all, if we are ever going to get out of this swamp we are going to have buck up, pour some Dutch courage, and laugh off our misgivings. Then drink up and laugh at the funny things... and what's funnier than a drunk Scotsman wearing a kilt?
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